I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
