On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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