I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize