I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
