So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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