What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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