a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
