If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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