I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
