I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
