grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
