Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
