K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
