dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
