is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
