I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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