I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
