"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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