Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is Oprah even human
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pants are for mortals
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
