One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
