He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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