so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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