a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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