I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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