Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
