He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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