Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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