Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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