before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
