Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
