At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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