Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
