Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
