if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
