Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
