I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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