sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
