She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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