I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
