at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
