I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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