i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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