Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
