i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
