well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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