Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
