So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i drank out of a bidet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize