So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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