Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
