I think I won the penis lottery.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i think i just lost a toe
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
