my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
