Where did you get a picture of my penis
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
