I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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