I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
