the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
