i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
