So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize