ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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