I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
