Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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