she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Everything about him screamed your future.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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