my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
